Day in life of an Ego maniacal, Paranoid, Schizophrenic Manic depressive who sometimes suffer from amnesia and claustrophobia (are you still reading?)

7:00 AM

Woke up from a bad dream. Thought world stopped revolving around me. Looked out of apartment window, there was sun, there was moon; both comfortably revolving around me. Wished I lived on a rock in outer space. Seeing earth revolving around me would have been quite a spectacle.

8:00 AM

Tried to bathe, but couldn't get my eyes off from mirror.

9:00 AM

Driving to the office. There are cars following me on the free-way. I think they want to crush me again today. Take first exit I could find and park hastily. Office is still 3 miles away. Will have to walk. Complemented myself for being able to walk such long distances.

9:30 AM

Come across a cow. It's staring at me. I know what's in its mind. It's going to stab me with it's horns. Guess what, I am too smart for that. I approach it in friendly manner, shoot it in the leg from close range. It goes berserk and crashes into a car. Driver is bleeding profusely. He won't make it. One lesser person after my life.

10:00AM

Reach office. A co-worker approaches my desk and starts prating. It goes like bla bla bla, one of my kids raped the other bla bla bla my wife is a whore bla bla bla Osama died. Despondency sets in...why do everyone I idolize has to die. First Saddam, and now Osama. Lock myself in loo, try to drown myself in commode. Fail, cry miserably and doze off crying.

12 Noon

Wake up as a new person. Feel high, very high (Did someone shove ecstasy down my throat???)

Dont know, people have been trying to do stuff to me as long as I could remember. In the hallway, come across a woman I work with, hug her tightly, feel her tits crushing in my hug. She runs off. Shrieks something about reporting it to HR.

Ask someone directions to my own cubicle. He stares me incredulously. I tell him not to mind and set off for a voyage to find my cubicle.

12:30 PM

Find a cubicle that looks like mine. Actually all cubicles look like mine. There's a man sitting there. He greets me. I don't know who he is. I want to ask him what he is doing here. But euphoria has tied my tongue. This cubicle is full off snaps of a family(presumably his). I am gushing with happiness. And before I know i am caressing snaps of his wife and children. Inexplicably my other hand finds way to my pocket. Something is hardening in my pants but I am too happy to care. Is my cell vibrating or is someone tugging my trousers???? The cell is vibrating harder and harder in my pants. Happiness is brimming through me. I feel like showering happiness on everyone I see.

I let out a loud grunt and feel happiness subsiding. For no reason, the colleague and a few other co-workers, who were deeply engrossed in work until now are staring at me in disbelief. Did I wear my shirt inside-out??? I look down to confirm. Can't see anything but a blot on my trousers. Some idiot must have spilled water on my trousers. No dearth of clumsy retards.

1:40 PM

Have passed last one hour answering junk mails. My inbox is invariably always empty. But junk mails are always in plenty. I expressed my gratitude to a viagra retailer and penis enlarging therapist. Also forwarded a mail to 61 people, since it said I would have died otherwise. I can't take risks like that. My life is too precious to take chances like that.

2:00PM

With all that done, take an elevator to cafeteria. As the elevator's doors are closing, so are it's walls. I am going to be crushed to death!!!! I start yelling and pressing emergency button furiously. Expectedly it's not stopping the walls closing up on me. They are going to end my life for good finally. I close my eyes anticipating the cold killer touch of walls anytime soon. But hear the mechanical "Ground Floor" voice. Open my eyes to see that the door has opened and there are people waiting to use the elevator. Rush out of elevator. Feel their malicious gaze set upon me, chilling my bones. As much as they dislike, I will still live today.

2:10PM

Get scoops of indecipherable chunks of food loaded in my plate. Find an empty spot. Beat a baldy to it. The food is bland as always, but I can't risk salt. They might have swapped it with arsenic for all I know.

3:00PM

The bland food has never failed to upset my taste. Take out rum bottle from my desk and made 2 shots. Drank one and offered another to the guy who sits besides me. He glares disgustedly at me and tells me that some dude from "high up" wants to see me. I presume that it's the leader of the cult that wants to kill me. I tell him to lead me to that dude. He declined. I persisted and he mumbled something akin to dumbfuck and decided to take me to him.

He stops at a sign that reads Mr. RBS, Vice President. Patronizing asshole treats me like a retard by knocking the door for me.

3:10 PM

Finally get my turn to see Mr. RBS, the dude who has made hell out of my life. We exchanged scornful stares for a full minute, until he asked me what the fuck was I still doing there??? Ignorant asshole was still oblivious that I knew he wanted to kill me. I throw him off guard by asking why he wants to kill me. He starts spewing senseless shit and tells me to fucking get out of his office. But why would I. I had been waiting all my life for this confrontation.

3:20PM

He has been yelling for full 10 mins now and my indifference seems to be infuriate him even more. I am catching a few words although mostly it is garble. He goes on like suspended me due to lewd behaviour, not doing any work, coming late, sexual assault bla bla bla. But I am impervious to all this crap. Fucker tries to kill me by throwing a file at me. Right in office. Talk about audacity. I still remain calm. He then waves a paper to slit my throat. I barely dodge it. My senses are in full flow now. He is repeatedly trying to cut me with that paper. The bold letters TERMINATION LETTER seem to pun the grave situation I am in. His attacks are proving to be futile. In a swift movement, I grab his fist, and freed that paper weapon. Who's your daddy now asshole. A pen catches my site. Its 0.5 mm tip glitters like a diamond. I grab it and before Mr RBS could make any sudden move, stab that pen through the termination letter into his neck. Blood is gushing out from his windpipe as he contorts on his office floor.

3:40PM

I have decided that I can't work for a blood thirsty organization like this. With the boss-man dead, I am a free man now. I am leaving this cursed place forever, leaving with my bloody footprints blotting their carpet. There are sirens echoing far away, perhaps clarion calls in my honour......

WISH I COULD DO THIS SOME DAY