"Children can be useful (wait for the awesome pics)"

I am tired of listening to shitheads blabbering on and on about how worthless kids are. I know that watching them run around without anything productive to do, watching them sing, dance and play without any care of the world, does make your shit bleed with envy, but hey who said they can't be put to good use. If you are parent worried sick to see sheer uselessness of  your kids or a concerned neighbour who wants kids of your block to have a bright future, this article is no less than bible's ten commandments for you....Here it goes:

Blessed were the days when child labour was a socially accepted practice.

1. Use them as fire fighting ladders.

2. Use them for boxing gloves and practice your punches on walls.

3. Use them as targets in shooting range.

4. Out of phenol balls for tiolets, soak a kid in disinfectant and use him instead....

5. Tap leaking?? Fuck M Seal use a kid.

6. Did I mention kids can be used for wiping shit instead of toilet paper??

7. Horses are precious,use kids for pulling chariots.

8. Going to buy a new dustbin for your home?? Why not use a kid instead??

9. Use them as condoms/ dildos.

10. Did your _______ (read welder/ janitor/ plumber/coal miner) quit???? Do i still have to tell you whom to hire????

And for parents who are unable to reconnect with their children, here are some games suggested by prof. Dhawan (M.D. Psychology). Play these games with your children and i bet my balls that you will be able to connect with them like never before.....or get a restraining order prohibiting you to never come within 100m of your child. What the hell it would be fun, so stop bitching and try them:

1. Dodge ball: 

How to play: All you require is 5-6 adults and one child, the younger the better. Now play dodge ball WITH the child, hurl him on other adults with as much force as possible. Though you may think that the child is screaming for help, but just ignore it, it's just that he is enjoying the game so much that its impossible for him to digest its awesomeness. The game ends when the child has become too much of a bloody mess and has begun to spoil your clothes.

2. Chop or dare: A version of truth and dare, specially modified to include children.

How to play: To be played among 5-6 Adults and as many children. All adults will form a circle and roll a bottle in its centre. Now to the adult the bottle points to, has to choose between chop or dare. If he chooses chop, he has to chop one body part of the child with him, starting with its fingers, then its weener, then its arm, legs and finally throat. Or if he chooses dare, then he has to do a daring act on child like throwing him in front of a speeding truck/ tying him in lawn and mowing the shit out of him.

3. Wrestling:

How to play: Getting bored, nothing to do???? How about trying new wrestling moves you saw on TV on children?? If you are lucky enough not to have any kids of your own, invite your neighbour's children to your home and start beating the shit out of him. Tombstone, Dropkick, Clothesline, Spear, Stunner, Spine buster, Power bomb.... leave no move untried. For more fun call your friends to join in. If kid's mother come running to save him/her, try those moves on her to. Imagine how awesome would it be to clothesline the bazookas out of a woman.

The second gratest threat to mankind:Mahatma Gandhi

You would not have been reading this had this man been alive

Gandhi sucking blood from the mouth of a jew baby

I know what all my faithful readers must be thinking - What can possibly be more threatening than gandhi, the guy who was solely responsible for worldwar 2. I will tell you that sometime else, coming back to Gandhi now. Most of you may not be familiar with the fact that gandhi despised jews since his childhood, when some jew kid (read Moses) robbed him of all his possessions, which included his clothes too. This is how it all happened.....

And since that day he vowed to kill every single one of their species. 

Every action of his life was dictated by just one thought "The Jew Shall Die." His sole motivation was his hate for jews. Dont trust me, trust the facts i am going to present to you, here is chronological order of what gandhi did and what his true intentions were....

1869: Born in Porbander, Gujarat, 

Interpretation: Gandhi just ripped off his mother's schnitz with his claws, the same which he is going to use to kill the jews in years to come....

1888: Goes to study in London University,

Interpretation: Maybe a degree in law will enable me to mulct the Jew's property in India.

1893-1914: Practices Law in South Africa,

Interpretation: Hmmmmm being the pussy  i am, going straight to india wont be a good idea, i must practise jew ripping in SA first.

1914: world war 1 begins.

Interpretation: who gives a shit,let people die, my ass is safe in India.

1919: world war 1 ends, Germany pays big price,

Interpretation: Gandhi is convinced that Jews must be behind Germany's fall, he cries himself to sleep every night praying that all jews rot in hell....

1929: starts non cooperation movement,

Interpretation: Let me convince people not to talk to or share toilets with jews, maybe they'll leave the country for good, and let me be in peace.

March-April 1930: leads salt march along gujarat coastline,

Interpretation: Goddamnit my last plan failed miserably, jews owned all the toilets and my people ended up taking dump in my very own house, man i hate jews more than ever. Its time to teach them a lesson, lets not buy salt from them, bring their business down.....

April 1930: Gnadhi imprisoned for his "salt march"

Interpretation: Salt march backfired, i thought i could make my own salt but what a fool i was, i dont have that cutting edge technology to make salt, only jews have. Mom was right, i am a complete failure, should have sticked to cleaning toilets....and thanks to my faithful followers, who turned me in for giving them diabetes, jews are sodomizing me everyday in jail . God life can't get any worse....

March 1931:Begins Europe tour

Interpretation: Man I love my brainless followers, those suckers gave me money thinking i am going to solve the "jew problem." hahaha, european sluts rule.....

April 1931: Meets Important european leaders.

Interpretation: The fact our leaders are trying to conceal is how Gandhi met Hitler at this time and guided him to lead Anti-Jew crusade in Europe....Here is a picture of Gandhi baptizing Hitler, something Indian govt. does not want you to know.

1939: Quit India Movement AND World war 2 begins.

Interpretation: Thought it was a coincidence???? Hell no, by this time Gandhi was so pissed off at jews that he declared an all out war on them. Hitler in Europe and Gandhi in India were leaving no stone unturned to see the last of the jews getting castarated, even the idea of concentration camps was gandhi's own. Ever wondered why gandhi encouraged large scale production of khadi??? Promoting Indigenous Fiber?? Hell no, 99% of khadi fiber was exported to make ropes that were used to hang jews by the balls.

August 16, 1944: World War 2 ends

Interpretation: Gandhi's dream of total annihilation of jews ruptured, he cried like a girl and wet his bed that night, his only solace in the fact that most of the jews had fleed to Israel fearing his wrath.

August 15, 1947: Britishers leave India after sucking her udders dry. Gandhi has absolutely no role to play but claims that he was involved in burning a post office. Britishers acknowledge this because they could not stand a cry baby like him.

Simultaneously he is declared father of the nation for no reason at all. The theory that comes closest in justifying this anomaly is that no one else hate jews more than fathers.

January 30, 1948: Gandhi assassinated by a person who was hailed by Jews as their saviour.

Need Proof??? NATHURAM GODSSE is an anagram for NATHURAG MOSES, the jew who parted Red sea... 

A note was recovered struck deep up gandhi's ass, it read:

Kill the jew

Burn his house

rape his daughter

Rip her blouse.

No evidence can get more concrete than this.My infallible research and impeccable logic confutes all you pussies who moan about gandhi being a mahatma.

DIE YOU ALL GANDHI WORSHIPPING COCKSUCKERS..... 

 

The only thing that can make your diwali cooler than ever.....NO DIWALI

"Wow, diwali is here, i am so excited" any loser who says these words is going to find his tongue ripped out with pliers and then the two up his ass. What is the deal with diwali anyway??

Some shithead (read Ram) returned from exile 1000's of years ago only to find out that his city(read ayodhya) became a brothel, and his wife a crackwhore...and we are celebrating it until now.

Grow up people, you are not related to sheep so dont act like them. There is no point in celebrating diwali every year. There are people who come home from office every evening after working their asses off and they dont get a diwali dedicated to them. What they get is a filthy cunt of a wife yelling at them, telling them how miserably have they failed in life...and that donkey boner of a person had time of his life in the forest screwing every possible species of animal and gets a festival dedicated to him. Can anything get more unfair than this?? 

There is nothing new to Diwali, it comes every year and the same old story reiterates.....wives spending the hard earned money of their husbands on clothes they are never going to wear twice, on jewellery that would look better on cows than them, shitty no good children burning away money on crackers, with no second thoughts about people like me who are trying to do something productive with their time, like watching porn...man i hate when i am an in the middle of a pornie and the moment i get a boner bang bang bang, there goes some reatrded asshole firing crackers and killing mr boner...and thats not it, to add insult to the injury they fire it at the exact same time i am about to come. Man my Ramu is tired of taking this crap. They want an explosion, my Ramu is going to give them the explosion of a lifetime.Hell I am going to come on the face of every little son of a whore who is lighting a cracker and killing my peace. I'll call this my diwali resolution. My other diwali resolutions include:

1. Marketting Dhawan group of patakas: As the name suggests, this line of crackers is going to do awesome things to anyone who ignites them.

   

Lakshmi pataka will be made of the same stuff your farts are made of, and the moment you light them, get ready for the fart of your life, the loudest and the smelliest, your life wont be the same again, no perfume is going to make you smell better, no girl will ever come near you and if you dont commit suicide, a long lone life is awating you.

Saraswati pataka: This little bastard is going to spill highly concentrated nitric acid in 30m diameter and disfigure anyone who is standing in that range. You are going to look so horrible that no girl will ever come near you and if you dont commit suicide, a long lone life is awating you.

Shakranu Rocket : Nothing special, this rocket will neither make no sound, no light, will go straight to the ozone layer and spill my sperm there. Next thing you know is a large ozone hole exists right above your house, adn you and your family is going to get skin cancer. Your face is going to melt away, no girl will ever come near you and if you dont commit suicide, a long lone life is awating you. Heck, i almost forgot, your life would be short and painful(i was thinking about AIDS when i wrote last line). Sorry pal not even make a wish community will come near you...

And others: Just plain old biological and nuclear warfare. Watch your kids play with mustard gas and nerve gas and be sure of one thing, you would be the last cockshit of your generation, no one is going to perpetuate your pathetic bloodline...

2. Legalize employment of children in cracker factory: Children love lighting crackers, well here is something else they are going to love even more, working in a cracker factory. The entire staff at Dhawan Cracker Factory will consist of children, and tell you what they will be having the time of their life there. Inhaling gunpowder for 12 hrs a day,no lunch brakes,being chained to their place and getting screwed in the ass by a dog is all the fun children aspire for and i am going to make sure they have every drop of fun for the rest of their life. 

My 3rd and final resolution is:

3. Having Dhawan Food Products in every house: By this time I have already spread awesomeness in the life of children who love diwali, why leave behind adults. Afterall some cocksucker has rightly said adults are overgrown children. Well adults unlike children like to do just 2 things on diwali:

a.Fornicate

b.Eat their ass off

While problem (a) can be simply cured by blowing their nuts off, problem (b) requires some comprehensive analysis. I brainstormed for months and came up with a perfect solution-Dhawan line of food products. All of these snacks will be prepared by little kids who won't wash their hands after wiping off shit with them in the most hygenic sewer lines of the country. All the products will undergo 3 quality tests to ensure that amount of rat shit and monkey semen is upto desired amount. I dont want my customers to eat anything but the best. 

So all the adults out there, make this Diwali the most memorable you ever had by getting your hands on my products and i guarantee, you wont be alive to regret it....

Have a great Diwali ahead folks, and if you dont blow your brains off, i surely will.

DIE ALL YOU DIWALI CELEBRATING COCKSUCKERS...