The only thing that can make your diwali cooler than ever.....NO DIWALI

"Wow, diwali is here, i am so excited" any loser who says these words is going to find his tongue ripped out with pliers and then the two up his ass. What is the deal with diwali anyway??

Some shithead (read Ram) returned from exile 1000's of years ago only to find out that his city(read ayodhya) became a brothel, and his wife a crackwhore...and we are celebrating it until now.

Grow up people, you are not related to sheep so dont act like them. There is no point in celebrating diwali every year. There are people who come home from office every evening after working their asses off and they dont get a diwali dedicated to them. What they get is a filthy cunt of a wife yelling at them, telling them how miserably have they failed in life...and that donkey boner of a person had time of his life in the forest screwing every possible species of animal and gets a festival dedicated to him. Can anything get more unfair than this?? 

There is nothing new to Diwali, it comes every year and the same old story reiterates.....wives spending the hard earned money of their husbands on clothes they are never going to wear twice, on jewellery that would look better on cows than them, shitty no good children burning away money on crackers, with no second thoughts about people like me who are trying to do something productive with their time, like watching porn...man i hate when i am an in the middle of a pornie and the moment i get a boner bang bang bang, there goes some reatrded asshole firing crackers and killing mr boner...and thats not it, to add insult to the injury they fire it at the exact same time i am about to come. Man my Ramu is tired of taking this crap. They want an explosion, my Ramu is going to give them the explosion of a lifetime.Hell I am going to come on the face of every little son of a whore who is lighting a cracker and killing my peace. I'll call this my diwali resolution. My other diwali resolutions include:

1. Marketting Dhawan group of patakas: As the name suggests, this line of crackers is going to do awesome things to anyone who ignites them.

   

Lakshmi pataka will be made of the same stuff your farts are made of, and the moment you light them, get ready for the fart of your life, the loudest and the smelliest, your life wont be the same again, no perfume is going to make you smell better, no girl will ever come near you and if you dont commit suicide, a long lone life is awating you.

Saraswati pataka: This little bastard is going to spill highly concentrated nitric acid in 30m diameter and disfigure anyone who is standing in that range. You are going to look so horrible that no girl will ever come near you and if you dont commit suicide, a long lone life is awating you.

Shakranu Rocket : Nothing special, this rocket will neither make no sound, no light, will go straight to the ozone layer and spill my sperm there. Next thing you know is a large ozone hole exists right above your house, adn you and your family is going to get skin cancer. Your face is going to melt away, no girl will ever come near you and if you dont commit suicide, a long lone life is awating you. Heck, i almost forgot, your life would be short and painful(i was thinking about AIDS when i wrote last line). Sorry pal not even make a wish community will come near you...

And others: Just plain old biological and nuclear warfare. Watch your kids play with mustard gas and nerve gas and be sure of one thing, you would be the last cockshit of your generation, no one is going to perpetuate your pathetic bloodline...

2. Legalize employment of children in cracker factory: Children love lighting crackers, well here is something else they are going to love even more, working in a cracker factory. The entire staff at Dhawan Cracker Factory will consist of children, and tell you what they will be having the time of their life there. Inhaling gunpowder for 12 hrs a day,no lunch brakes,being chained to their place and getting screwed in the ass by a dog is all the fun children aspire for and i am going to make sure they have every drop of fun for the rest of their life. 

My 3rd and final resolution is:

3. Having Dhawan Food Products in every house: By this time I have already spread awesomeness in the life of children who love diwali, why leave behind adults. Afterall some cocksucker has rightly said adults are overgrown children. Well adults unlike children like to do just 2 things on diwali:

a.Fornicate

b.Eat their ass off

While problem (a) can be simply cured by blowing their nuts off, problem (b) requires some comprehensive analysis. I brainstormed for months and came up with a perfect solution-Dhawan line of food products. All of these snacks will be prepared by little kids who won't wash their hands after wiping off shit with them in the most hygenic sewer lines of the country. All the products will undergo 3 quality tests to ensure that amount of rat shit and monkey semen is upto desired amount. I dont want my customers to eat anything but the best. 

So all the adults out there, make this Diwali the most memorable you ever had by getting your hands on my products and i guarantee, you wont be alive to regret it....

Have a great Diwali ahead folks, and if you dont blow your brains off, i surely will.

DIE ALL YOU DIWALI CELEBRATING COCKSUCKERS...