"Children can be useful (wait for the awesome pics)"

I am tired of listening to shitheads blabbering on and on about how worthless kids are. I know that watching them run around without anything productive to do, watching them sing, dance and play without any care of the world, does make your shit bleed with envy, but hey who said they can't be put to good use. If you are parent worried sick to see sheer uselessness of  your kids or a concerned neighbour who wants kids of your block to have a bright future, this article is no less than bible's ten commandments for you....Here it goes:

Blessed were the days when child labour was a socially accepted practice.

1. Use them as fire fighting ladders.

2. Use them for boxing gloves and practice your punches on walls.

3. Use them as targets in shooting range.

4. Out of phenol balls for tiolets, soak a kid in disinfectant and use him instead....

5. Tap leaking?? Fuck M Seal use a kid.

6. Did I mention kids can be used for wiping shit instead of toilet paper??

7. Horses are precious,use kids for pulling chariots.

8. Going to buy a new dustbin for your home?? Why not use a kid instead??

9. Use them as condoms/ dildos.

10. Did your _______ (read welder/ janitor/ plumber/coal miner) quit???? Do i still have to tell you whom to hire????

And for parents who are unable to reconnect with their children, here are some games suggested by prof. Dhawan (M.D. Psychology). Play these games with your children and i bet my balls that you will be able to connect with them like never before.....or get a restraining order prohibiting you to never come within 100m of your child. What the hell it would be fun, so stop bitching and try them:

1. Dodge ball: 

How to play: All you require is 5-6 adults and one child, the younger the better. Now play dodge ball WITH the child, hurl him on other adults with as much force as possible. Though you may think that the child is screaming for help, but just ignore it, it's just that he is enjoying the game so much that its impossible for him to digest its awesomeness. The game ends when the child has become too much of a bloody mess and has begun to spoil your clothes.

2. Chop or dare: A version of truth and dare, specially modified to include children.

How to play: To be played among 5-6 Adults and as many children. All adults will form a circle and roll a bottle in its centre. Now to the adult the bottle points to, has to choose between chop or dare. If he chooses chop, he has to chop one body part of the child with him, starting with its fingers, then its weener, then its arm, legs and finally throat. Or if he chooses dare, then he has to do a daring act on child like throwing him in front of a speeding truck/ tying him in lawn and mowing the shit out of him.

3. Wrestling:

How to play: Getting bored, nothing to do???? How about trying new wrestling moves you saw on TV on children?? If you are lucky enough not to have any kids of your own, invite your neighbour's children to your home and start beating the shit out of him. Tombstone, Dropkick, Clothesline, Spear, Stunner, Spine buster, Power bomb.... leave no move untried. For more fun call your friends to join in. If kid's mother come running to save him/her, try those moves on her to. Imagine how awesome would it be to clothesline the bazookas out of a woman.